Today was one of those days.
We got up to smoky skies, but I could almost see my mountains.
After breakfast we headed in to Nelson for DH to get X-rays, bloodwork, pick up prescriptions, and have physio. I planned to do the grocery shopping since we were in town.
DH decided he is independent and was heading in to the hospital by himself for X-rays and lab work. He joked that would give me time to catch up on emails and make some phone calls.
Once he was out of sight, I grabbed my phone to check for messages and emails. I was very content to start reading a blog, when my phone chimed. I thought it might be my grandson letting me know if my next great grandchild is a boy or girl. They were expecting the news this morning.
Instead, the message was from my ex husbands daughter, letting me know her Dad had just passed away. Definitely not news I was ready to hear. Such mixed emotions (he is my ex husband for a reason). This day has been hard as was my night last night. I had woken several times remembering different occasions, events and memories and confused why I was dreaming of the past. This was his 4th round with Squamous Cell Carcinoma. Unfortunately the Cancer won as this form usually does. He did have some happy times since he was diagnosed in 2012 so we can be grateful for that. I had talked with him last Friday since he was on my mind. He told me he didn’t think he would make it through this round of cancer, so I was able to tell him I was sorry to hear that, that I had forgiven him for the wrongs in the past, and I was glad he had managed to find some peace with his family and a relationship that brought him happiness and contentment.
DH finished his tests and knew from my face that something was wrong. He held me so I could cry a bit and then we had to continue on with his appointments. DH did his physiotherapy and we came home.
The rest of my day has been spent making phone calls, sending messages and writing to friends.
Tonight will likely be more of the same. If you can today, take a moment to give someone close to you a hug, either for real or virtually. It just might make their day easier. 😢 Carol
Quilt Schmilt 
Oh my. You were very graceful by forgiving. He is able to rest in peace. I am sorry you are going through this difficult time. May it bring you closer to your loved ones. I know I will be in these shoes one day. And have no idea how to handle something like that. ((((hugs))))
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It’s not easy to be in these shoes today, but thank heavens for DH and family and friends.
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I have not experienced divorce, but I kind of wonder if it sometimes involves a love/hate relationship. Losing people in our lives, even if our experiences with them were not all good, can still be hard. Sorry for your loss.
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Divorce is that; a never ending love hate relationship unless you manage to make peace and forgiveness is given or shared. Thank you for your comment
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I’m so sorry, Carol. I’m sure there are so many emotions that you are feeling. I’m glad you two were able to talk and share before he passed away. Hope you can do some peaceful sewing today, while you process all this news.
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Hi Wendy. I sure didn’t expect the turmoil I felt. Fabric therapy is definitely in order for today. Thank you
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So sorry for your loss. I hope that the love around you will help bring peace.
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Thank you Emily. Peace will come I’m sure
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Yes, our relationships with our ex is complicated; I do consider myself lucky to be on very good terms with mine though it has taken some growth to do so. Being able to have had that talk with him is a real blessing. We have to let go in order to go on. I learned that any kindness to him was actually kindness to myself. Take care of yourself.
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Thank you Jocelyn for your very wise and understanding words.
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Oh Carol, I am so sorry. It is different and difficult when it is an ex…the expectations are different. Praying for you, your children and his family.
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Susan thank you for commenting. It is difficult, but at least his children can be together at this time. I’m sure that is a comfort for them. Today I plan on spending time with my fabric and my memories. Take care of yourself my friend. I’m hoping you are recovering from your recent surgery.
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Even with the things that made a husband an ex, there are things you shared with him that weren’t part of your life with anyone else, and now you are the only one who remembers. Some of them were good. It’s okay to have mixed feelings, and it’s okay to grieve. I’m sorry for your loss.
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Thank you Susan., for your comforting words. You put it perfectly
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